When You Get Discouraged, Think about Your "Why"

Let’s face it—leadership can be discouraging.

There are times when you do everything you know to do, and you still don’t get the result you were looking for.

Perhaps someone you have invested in will let you down. Maybe you’ve taken a big risk, and it didn’t pay off. You’ve asked for a position and you don’t get it, or you’ve floated an idea that didn’t get used. Or even worse, that idea was used, but someone else received the credit.

Or maybe there was just a disaster that you truly couldn’t have prevented, but you still feel responsible.

These things are actually commonplace in an educational leader’s life. It’s just the nature of leadership. But sometimes these things happen in rapid succession, and you become emotionally overwhelmed.

Add major job stresses to the regular day to day annoyances–not to mention family issues and other problems not associated with work–and you may contemplate giving up.

In times such as these, it’s important to reflect on your “why.” What made you get into education in the first place? How long has it been since you thought about that? When was the last time you set aside the busyness of life and really reflected on the difference you are making in the lives of children and other educators?

When you feel like giving up, take some time to get back to a place where you have a renewed sense of purpose.

Here are three thoughts about reflecting on your “why” that can help you get through the struggle and get back to powerful, positive leadership.

Your “why” makes you cry.

Okay, you may not actually have tears streaming down your face whenever you think about it, but your “why” will really resonate with your emotions. If you aren’t stirred when you think about your purpose, then maybe that isn’t your true purpose.

For example, “I love to work with children” may be true for you, but it may not be what gets you out of bed each morning. Instead, your “why” is going to be more personal.

Who is that student that you worked with who went on to do great things? Or is it that student who you worked with that still made terrible decisions, and that you vowed never to let happen again? Maybe you’ve had coworkers who helped you through a bad diagnosis or the death of a loved one, and you want to spend your life repaying them.

I think about my colleague, Lisa Seale, when I think about a strong, personal sense of purpose. Mrs. Seale posts the most meaningful, tear-jerking reflections on Facebook. She is motivated to love her students and staff every day. I’ve seen Mrs. Seale tear up when she talks about her “why” in principal meetings. It’s easy to see she’s the real deal.

Your “why” is unique.

All educators want to impact the lives of children. But only you have had the unique experiences that led you to the decisions that you made.

I will never forget when I decided to become a teacher. I was in my early twenties, and I was taking a break from college. A series of bad decisions had put me on the wrong path, and I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life. Teaching was the family business–my mom and many of my family members were educators–but I was not going to follow in their footsteps.

At that time, my aunt was in the hospital dealing with an inoperable brain tumor. I visited her for what I knew would likely be the last time.

Aunt Gina asked what I was going to do in college. “I’m thinking about becoming a teacher,” I lied. She looked at me. “Oh, you’re going to be a great teacher,” she said in the most compassionate voice. That did it–there was no turning back.

Ten years later, I was at a crossroads. I had to decide whether to pursue teaching at the college level, which might mean having to move my family to another location, or to stay in K-12 education.

There were several times when I was discouraged about things that were happening in my school and district. My wife pretty much said that it was time to stop complaining and to do something about it. If I feel so strongly about what’s wrong, then I have a responsibility to help make it right. I decided then and there to enroll in an educational leadership program.

Everyone has a unique reason for becoming an educator. Even if it happened long ago, think about what brought you to education in the first place to restore your sense of purpose.

Your “why” should be shared.

For many leaders, it’s tough to be vulnerable. However, it’s good to let people see your humanity. They’ll be more likely to be in your corner and give you encouragement when you need it. At least they’ll give you the benefit of the doubt when things aren’t going your way.

Since I’ve been in education, I’ve noticed more people talking about “mental health days.” I believe that more than time off, we need close relationships with people who will encourage us in the hard times. We should be a friend to these people, as well. Just a well-timed encouraging text or phone call can be enough to start a change in attitude.

That being said, you may need a few days away to refresh after a setback. What’s important is to give yourself the time you need to get back on track. Share your struggles with trusted friends to lighten the load, and get back to work quickly. Your students and staff need you!

One more thing–leaders who make decisions when they aren’t at their best can come to regret those decisions later. I suggest delaying decisions that could impact the lives of others when you get discouraged. Get input from other leaders if you need it. You’ll thank yourself later when you don’t have to work your way out of a sticky situation.

Unfortunately, discouragement and leadership often go hand in hand. Anything worthwhile takes struggle, and that struggle can take a toll emotionally and physically. Take time to put your “why” at the forefront of your mind, and you will become a much more effective educational leader.

What about you? What are some ways you can use your “why” to help in times of discouragement?

Let me know in the comments below!