Five Steps for Having Difficult Conversations with Parents

A few weeks ago, I ran several student data reports and saw that a few students needed urgent intervention for attendance, grades, or behavior.

These students’ names had come up several times throughout the year in teacher meetings, and we had already implemented several strategies to improve their performance. Teachers had already reached out to parents several times.

I could see that it was time to contact parents from the principal’s office.

Whether you are just starting your educational career or you’re a seasoned veteran, the thought of contacting parents can be nerve-wracking.

I have met with parents countless times, but I still feel a little nervous every time I pick up the phone to set up a meeting. There’s no telling what kind of response I will get.

In many places, the culture has shifted from “What did my child do wrong?” to “How did the teacher or school fail my child?” Also, the students who need the most parent intervention often do not have the most involved parents.

Regardless of who walks through the door for a parent meeting, the end goal is the same: everyone wants what is best for the student.

My former superintendent used to say, “Parents aren’t keeping the good kids at home. They’re sending you the best they have.” Sometimes students need redirection, and it’s up to you as an educator to help provide that redirection.

Here are five steps for having difficult conversations with parents.

Be prepared.

First, make sure to print out all of the relevant data. Reports can be generated, but you don’t want to spend valuable time in front of the parent compiling data. Have your talking points ready to hand.

Again, actually print the data out. Don’t just show it to the parent on a screen.

If a student has missed twenty days over the past six months, it may not feel like a lot to the parent. But seeing those twenty absences on a printout puts it into perspective. Also, it’s a good idea to have something printed to give the parent as they leave the meeting.

As you guide the conversation, stick to the facts. Talk about attendance, discipline, grades, and other measures. That way, when you work together to develop a plan going forward, you can tie the expected results to specific outcomes.

Connect with parents.

Before jumping right in to discussing the student’s issues, demonstrate that you know the student and that you recognize the student as an individual.

Be positive, and pick out a few points of praise. For example, you might say, “John showed me his artwork last week, and he was really proud of it.”

Be proactive with student issues well before contacting parents. Good communication takes care of many issues without having to resort to interventions.

Ideally, you’ll have had chances to reach out and build positive relationships with the parents already. Meetings where relationships have already been established are usually the best meetings.

Never wait to contact parents until the student is too far behind to catch up.

I have heard so many parents say, “I didn’t even know my child was failing.” If you have done your job connecting with parents, that places the responsibility on them. At the very least, you should have been sending home regular reports, newsletters, and updates.

Listen and empathize.

Students do not always share (or even know about) factors that contribute to their school issues.

There may be circumstances at home that you are not aware of. Giving parents an opportunity to explain their situations can give you valuable insights into how to proceed.

Ask open-ended questions, like “What have you noticed about your child at home?” Practice active listening when parents speak. Summarize their responses when the parents finish.

Even if parents display strong emotion, pay attention to the words the parents use, not just their tone.

You are the professional, so be prepared to meet emotional outbursts, rudeness, or blame shifting with calmness. If it gets to be too much, you can always end the meeting.

Just remember that it is always uncomfortable for a parent to receive a notification from the school about a student’s performance. Parents likely have to take off work. How would you feel in a similar situation?

Develop a plan.

Most of the time, the school and the family want the same thing: for the student to perform well and to be prepared for their next step in life.

The ultimate goal of a parent meeting should be a consensus on the next steps to take to improve the student’s performance.

Take a “help us help you” approach when developing a plan. The school already has resources available, so start with those. Agree on an ideal outcome, and then determine ways to reach that outcome.

It would be useful to have parents, educators, and students sign a document that outlines the plan so that you have something to refer to in subsequent meetings. Document all interventions, including the parent meeting.

Schedule a time to follow up.

When the meeting is over, I like to say that I’ll check progress in a couple of weeks and give the parents a call. This gives parents a time frame for implementing the plan without anything slipping through the cracks.

In that phone call, you can talk about the student’s success, or you can schedule another parent meeting if expectations are not being met.

Also, I have seen many students begin to improve for a week or two, followed by a decline in performance. A follow up phone call helps parents and students to create habits that last.

Students of all ages are learning academics and life skills. Some behaviors, like not completing homework or not studying, require partnerships with parents.

Even though some conversations may be difficult, do everything you can to support the student and strive to have conversations that lead to positive outcomes for the student.

What about you? What are some tips you can provide for having effective parent meetings?

Let me know in the comments below!